


A Tip

by sassquire



Category: The Venture Bros
Genre: F/M, HANK KISSES, Hand Jobs, Ish?? - Freeform, Kisses, Takes place during season 6, also this is based off of a hc a friend and i have, hank is 18 obvs, he creams himself MEGA FAST, like you cant even get his pants off but him nut, poor reader doesn't get taken care of at all, relating to the shit w nikki so, that dumb "cutest delivery boy" trope, there's no sirena fuck sirena, where hank has like-- memory wipe ptsd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-11-05 06:05:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17913218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sassquire/pseuds/sassquire
Summary: Your heart did somersaults. Oh my fucking god, they actually did it. They sent the cutest delivery boy.And if they didn’t, you couldn’t fucking imagine who could be cuter than this.





	A Tip

Your stomach growled in anticipation as you perused over the faded and roughed up paper menu in your hand that you had dug up from the bottom of one of the drawers in your kitchen.  
  
  
You hoped this thing wasn’t _too_ outdated.  
  
  
Then again, when the hell did a pizza place suddenly stop having fries?  
  
  
A shitty pizza place, that’s what. Regardless of whatever…Shady shit was rumored to go on at Vincenzo’s, one thing was certain. _They had some gnarly goddamned pizza._ _  
_ _  
_  
As you lifted up your phone and opened the dial pad, you paused. There was a stupid fucking thing you always wanted to try, but never had the guts to do so.  
  
  
Your thumb hovered over the first digit.  
  
  
Maybe you should?  
  
  
  
  
  
After a few more moments of hesitation, you hurriedly tapped out the numbers and rose the phone to your ear. Fuck it. Life is short, be stupid.  
  
  
The phone rang for a few moments, before a very enthusiastic older man answered.  
  
  
  
“Hello-a! This is-a Vincenzo’s, how can I-a help you?”  
  
  
_“Y-yeah,_ uh--” Your voice cracked. Shit. Shifting in your seat, you tried again. “Can I get-- a small extra cheese pizza, and some fries?”  
  
  
“Of a-course-a! And were are-a we delivering it to?”  
  
  
You rambled off your address, your phone number, and then..  
  
  
...well, time to face the music.  
  
  
“O-Oh! And, uh….  
  
  
_...send your cutest delivery boy.”_  
  
  
You hung up after a split second, and placed the smartphone down, feeling your heart hammer in your chest.  
  
  
Would that even work? They might assume it was just a joke. ….well.  
  
  
It was, but you still meant it.  
  
  
Inhaling deeply, you decided to just switch on the television and watch a movie while you waited. Goddddd, you felt like an idiot. Oh well, what’s the worst that could happen?  
  
  
You answer the door and watch the guy’s expression go from curious excitement to disappointment once he saw who made the request?  
  
  
_….oh, god.._ _  
_  
**  
**  
  
Whoever it was hung up, and Vincenzo paused as he processed their last words.  
  
_  
‘send your cutest delivery boy’?_  
  
  
Part of him was lightheartedly amused… kids these days..  
  
  
But…  
  
  
The man turned around, glancing in the direction of some merry, joyful humming a ways behind him. A chipper blonde was tossing and spinning some pizza dough up and down in the kitchen, and was whistling a Mario Bros. tune..not that Vincenzo recognized it.  
  
  
Save for some customers already served and eating, there was nobody else in the restaurant aside from him.  
  
  
_What other delivery boy could he send?!_ _  
_ _  
  
_ “Hank, my-a boy! Let-a Vincenzo take over-a the dough, you’ve got-a to make a delivery.” He announced, shuffling over into the kitchen.  
  
  
“Hmm?” Hank hummed, craning his neck to peer back at his boss. At the mention of a delivery, his face lit up. He vaulted over a small steel island table in the middle of the kitchen and tossed his apron off in Vincenzo’s vague direction. The older man scrambled to catch it, unable to be upset with such an enthusiastic employee.  
  
  
“Alright! I got it!”  
  
  
“Wait! You-a don’t know the address!” Vincenzo called out after him, racing out of the kitchen.  
_  
Screeeeech._ _  
_  
  
He skidded as Hank rapidly halted himself and twisted around mid-sprint, and nearly crashed chest-first into the lobby doors. A few customers close to the entrance gasped in surprise, and gaped at him.  
  
  
Hank looked to Vincenzo with expectant eyes as he listed off your address, and he nodded attentively before repeating it back.  
  
  
“Back in a jiff, Vincenzo!” The blonde Venture called out chipperly, pulling his hovercar keys from his pocket. They jingled as he pushed the doors open, and strolled down the sidewalk.  
  
  
“Okay-a! Drive safe!” Vincenzo called out, watching him leave. Once the boy vanished from eyesight, he waddled back into the kitchen to pick up where Hank left off.  
  
  
If Hank knew of any pizza delivery places when he was back on the compound, he would have gotten a job a whole heck of a lot sooner. This was _great!_ He got paid to drive around in his awesome hovercar and give pizza to people!

  
And he got an employee discount!

  
Though, he wasn’t sure if starting to have dreams about pizza was a good or bad thing... _  
_

_  
_ Hank plopped down into the driver’s seat of his hovercar, and started the engine. He took a split second to meditate on that.

  
  
..nah, that was pretty sweet.  
  
  
The hovercar lifted up off of the ground, and he pulled back on the stick--  
  
_  
‘vrooosh--_ **_THUD’_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ **  
Hank yelped in surprise, and nearly rammed his forehead into the steering wheel as his hovercar slammed against the side of a building.  
  
  
Adjusting his hat with a startled expression, he peered down. It was in reverse.  
  
  
Oh.  
  
  
He corrected his mistake and the car took off in the right direction this time, rising up above the sidewalk and veering into the street.  
  
  
Nothing abnormal about a pizza delivery boy driving in a doughnut-shaped hovercar down a busy street in New York. Nothing at all.  
  
  
**_  
_ **  
The knocking at your door came quicker than you thought it would, and when it did, your heart nearly leapt in your chest.  
  
  
Feeling a twinge of dread, your hand gripped the remote and paused the television. You were watching some superhero action movie. You never really got too into the genre, but it was pretty entertaining.  
  
  
You kinda wanted to get into it at some point, but where the hell would you even start?  
  
  
...  
  
  
...the door. Right.  
  
  
Heaving yourself up off your beanbag with a small ‘hup’, you reached for your small bundle of bills and headed to the door. Right as your hand reached for the locks, you must have been taking awhile, because they were already knocking again.  
  
  
You paused. Who...knocked like that? _Who did rhythmic, musical knocks?_ _  
_ _  
_ _  
_ The metal clicked and ‘shunk’ed as you undid the locks, and you pulled your door open.  
  
  
..oh---  
  
  
_“Goooood afternoon_ miss,” The blonde bowed, holding a hand to his chest, and balancing your food in the other. He smiled widely. “I’ve got your food right here!”  
  
  
  
Your heart did somersaults. Oh my fucking god, they actually did it. They sent the cutest delivery boy.  
  
  
And if they didn’t, you couldn’t fucking imagine who could be cuter than this.  
  
  
He noticed your silence and rose back up, smile fading into a slightly concerned pucker. Your eyes were wide, and a thick blush was spread across your cheeks.  
  
  
Did you have a fever?  
  
  
Nobody’s reacted like that to him before, and it didn’t even occur to him that his … _.Hank charm_ had actually worked. At least, not like this.  
  
  
“U-Uh-- ...hi---...” You stuttered, and felt yourself tense up. Wow, way to already blow it. “H-how much--...?”  
  
  
  
  
Oh, good! She was fine.  
  
  
“Eighteen fifty! ..I think..” Hank peered over at the receipt on top of the small pizza box...he eyed it, and then his gaze slid back to you, and he finally managed to get a decent look as you counted out your bills.  
  
  
Something about you ordering a mega small pizza made him snicker. Unfortunately, you took this the wrong way, and only hastened your counting as a wave of embarrassment washed over you.  
  
  
  
You had the exact amount.  
  
  
….How were you gonna tip this guy?  
  
  
  
You gave him what money you had, and got a glance at his nametag as you did so…  
  
  
‘Hank’...? That felt about right.  
  
  
He took the money from you and pocketed it, before peering at you with an expectant smile.  
  
  
What the hell were you gonna do?  
  
  
“Uh-- ...I don’t have anything else--” You began to explain, avoiding his gaze. Still, from the corner of your vision, you could see his shoulders subtly slouch. He might as well have stabbed you in the heart.  
  
  
You felt so bad, stiffing this guy.  
  
  
...  
  
  
_...Stiffing.._  
  
  
...Oh, jesus. Well---... I mean, you already did one trope…  
  
  
  
  
“Oh-- ...uh, okay--...” Hank muttered, his disappointment obvious in his tone. As well as a bit of confusion..you looked pretty upset. ..He didn’t do anything wrong, did he?  
  
  
“But I could give you-- ...A different tip? If you want?”  
  
  
‘If you want’-- ..Jesus Christ, could you _be_ less hot? Regardless, you certainly seemed to have caught his attention.  
  
  
His eyes widened a bit, and he straightened out his posture a little. The boy let out a small, interested hum. “--...Okay,” Hank shrugged lightly, with a faint smile. Hey, at least he was getting _something._  
  
  
Did-- ...Did he know what you actually meant, or...  
  
  
...Only one way to find out. You took the food from him and placed it down on the sofa next to your door, and he just….let it happen, watching you. Once that was taken care of, you inhaled softly. Here goes.  
  
  
His eyes widened a little again as you reached forwards and gently gripped the collar of his red work shirt. Hank figured out what you meant just a half second too late as you dragged the boy down, and softly,though with a bit of firmness, pressed your lips to his.

 

“M-Mmhh--!”

 

Holy heck. _Holy heck,_ was this actually happening?!

  
After a few moments, Hank relaxed enough into it for you to not have to keep him pulled down anymore, and he clumsily started kissing you back...he was still in shock that this was actually happening, but hey..  
  
  
...He wasn’t gonna complain. Actually, could he get kisses as tips more often? This was a _sweetheart deal!_  
  
  
As he relaxed into it, your hands gently let go of his collar and snaked around his neck, and you tilted your head into the kiss, moving your lips against his. A few soft, smacking noises sounded as your lips subtly parted and joined again, causing the blonde to shudder. Your heart was thundering in your chest.

  
You felt his arms gently wrap around your waist, and pull you closer so your chests were flush against each other. A sigh escaped his lips, and you might as well have melted.

  
You were too flustered to notice, but he was melting just as much as you were. This was…--

  
Weakly reaching a hand down, you gently pushed the door to swing it closed….well, almost closed. Just for….some sort of privacy. Once you did, you rose your hand and cupped his cheek, thumbing over his soft skin.

  
\--...Really nice…

  
A few more soft smacks as you both gently moved your lips against each other, before you felt Hank’s tongue clumsily flicking against your lips, asking for entry. It felt like he just shocked you with a zapper.

  
“M-Mmhnhhn---” His tongue slid into your mouth as you parted your lips, and the moan he brought out from you made him _tremble._ _  
_

_  
_ That--...Had to have been the best noise he’s ever heard..

  
Hank clumsily swirled his tongue around in your mouth...he didn’t have much experience with smooching… Not that he’d ever admit that. But so far, everything felt..absolutely great.

You pressed your mouth more firmly against his, and your hand cupping his cheek slowwwly trailed down his neck, to his chest...a nervously excited whimper came from the blonde as the trail your hand made felt like _magma._ Hank’s arms around you tightened, and he pulled you as close as he could….he wanted to tug at his collar to relieve some of the heat, but…  
  
  
  
...He didn’t wanna take his hands off you.  
  
  
  
Hank’s tongue brushed against yours, encouraging you and trying to coax you out...He got another moan in return, and sure enough, you swirled your tongue against his and lightly curled it around his.  
  
  
His hands _squeezed_ your sides excitedly, and as you pressed yourself even further up against him, the boy inhaled sharply, and you quickly figured out why…  
  
  
Something pretty firm was poking your abdomen.  
  
  
  
Needing to come up for air, your mouth parted from his with a soft ‘smack’, and a small trail of saliva connected your tongues. You both panted and gasped for air, with Hank almost shuddering a bit...He looked blissfully drunk.  
  
  
  
“H-hholy crap…” He breathed, smiling dopily.  
  
  
Your hand on his chest slowly trailed down again, almost on its own as you panted. That kiss got… Way out of control…  
  
  
...And that wasn’t even the tip itself that you had in mind.  
  
  
  
Hank’s eyes blasted open when he felt your hand getting dangerously close to his tent, and he completely froze up. You paused, and looked back up at him to read his reaction.  
  
  
Something about this felt familiar to him...  
  
  
You softly squeezed his thigh, causing his hips to twitch forwards. “M-M-Mmhhh--”  
  
  
As he peered down at your hand, he could almost see his chest moving with each pound of his heart. Oh my god...Were you actually gonna--?  
  
  
Feeling your warm palm press against his bulge, his hips bucked again, and a soft, excited moan left him...His heart only sped up.  
  
  
His noises only spurred you on, and after giving his tent a squeeze, you started firmly rubbing his clothed length. You could feel his pelvis shudder and tremble against your hand, and Hank’s breathing picked up...He was letting out excited whimpers.  
  
  
  
“O-Ooohh--...h-hoohmygod--..... H-holy moly..”  
  
  
  
He bit his lip and angled his head upwards, unable to stop himself from genly bucking against your hand as you sped up, and gave him another squeeze. You could feel yourself getting pretty heated and pulsing down there..’cutest delivery boy’ absolutely.

 

Your rubbing got firmer, causing his hips to roughly buck and twitch, before--

“H-Hhng---” Hank gasped, and let out a loooong stuttering moan as you felt a wet spot where you were rubbing. He leaned forwards and wrapped his arms around you as his legs trembled.

 

“A-Aaa-aahhh--......o-ohh--..”

 

You paused, though kept your hand where it was. Did-- ...he just---  
  
  
The blonde panted heavily, and shuddered as his mind was way up in space. With his head still back, you glanced up and saw a boyish, blissful smile on his round face.

...Was that supposed to be that quick? You were rubbing him for like.. 7 seconds.

  
Hank pressed a few slightly shaky kisses to your forehead, nuzzling his face against yours as his bangs brushed your features. “M-Mmhh-- ...t-that was-- ….h-holy cow…--...”

Your face had been insanely red this entire time, but his glowing affection after doing that to him was….--

\--...It made your heart flutter..

“Y-yeah, I--...” Hank sighed with satisfaction, and seemed to finally be coming down from that high. _“--...IIIII’d_ say that about covers it..” He spoke, a bit smugly.  
  
  
You actually forgot why you did that in the first place. You let out a laugh, and finally realized how heavily your heart had been thudding in your chest. “I-I didn’t wanna-- _...stiff you,_ y’know?”  
  
  
Hank paused for a split second, before snorting loudly and breaking into a dumb fit of snickers.

  
  
...Oh, jesus.

 

  
  
“Y-You already did--” He stupidly grinned, with pink cheeks. When his giggles finally died down, Hank teased a hand through his bangs before getting down on one knee.

 

  
**_Uh._ **

 

  
The blonde reached for your hand and brought it close, pressing a soft and sweet kiss to the back of your hand. Your heart flipped.

 

“I- a hope you-a enjoy your-a pizza, ma’am….” Hank smiled flirtatiously, before looking up at you and grinning with a smoulder. _“--...like I enjoyed-a you!”_ _  
_ _  
_

 

You couldn’t help a wide grin and glanced away, covering your face with your free hand. You couldn’t see it, but Hank’s smile only widened at your reaction.

He released your hand and rose back up to his feet. “Ah, but I must-a bid you adieu…”

...Wait… he was doing an italian accent, but speaking in french--

Hank finger-gunned, and winked, backpedaling out of your doorway--

 

_‘THUNK’_

 

The door was closed. He forgot the door was closed.

 

Still somehow maintaining his grin without a flicker, he only grinned wider to make up for his mistake and reached behind himself, opening the door and backing out without turning from you.

It clicked shut, and after a second, you could hear a sputtering laugh of embarrassment muffled from behind the wood.

What a fucking guy.

  
  
The adrenaline finally left you, and you let out a shuddering breath as you processed what just happened. That went way better than you thought it would.

And.. You had pizza! Hopefully it hadn’t gotten too cold.

As you stepped over, and lifted up the cardboard lid, you could hear a whoop and holler from the street below, in that familiar boyish voice… Your cheeks bloomed red as you peered down at your food, and made a mental note to maybe order pizza more often.

**Author's Note:**

> My first actual fic, and it's semi-smutty, wheww boy.
> 
> I know it might be disappointing since not a lot of sauce happens, though if this is well-received enough, I might add some sequels..
> 
> I've also got a few other Hank/reader ideas, though I can't guarantee they'll appear that fast since I've got college to deal with. I wanna make some Dean ones too, but I'm shooting blanks on ideas.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed, Hank was a blast (though a lil' hard) to write!


End file.
